whenever i see these post-apocalyptic films set in the USA where everyone is pretty much just killing each other with no mention of other nations i always just assume that the rest of the world is fine and has learnt how to resume life as normal
the marvel cinematic universe is a gift to mankind and we must protect it at all costs
calling people on the phone is more stressful than open heart surgery
|—||an adult who has had the same job for over 20 years (via jessyphil)|
is there anything weirder than waking up after a dream and all the details are still fresh in your mind so you’re just like what the FUCK WAS THAT WHY DID I THINK THAT WAS NORMAL HOW DID DREAM ME NOT QUESTION THAT
I once had a dream in which someone asked me “how can you tell this isn’t a dream” and I was like, “of course it’s not a dream: I have four hands”
THE REASON I GAVE FOR THINKING THIS DREAM WAS REALITY WAS THE FACT I HAD TWO EXTRA HANDS
how are these people not dead
Oh he can eat plastic bags and the other lady can eat drywall, but if I want to enjoy some fucking cookie dough I’ll get salmonella and die
SO I WAS FUCKING TALKING WITH MY DAD AND
dragons came back
killed all the rich people and took their money for their horde
and then if you needed money
you would just challenge the dragon to a riddle duel
and both of us ended up agreeing that riddle duels with dragon bankers would somehow be a much fairer, less frustrating economic system than we have now
A CAT A FREAKING CAT GETS A STAR ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME AND I’M SITTING HERE WORKING MY BUTT OFF TRYING TO GET THROUGH COLLEGE AND MAKE A STANDARD LIVING AND THIS CAT MAKES A FROWNY FACE AT A CAMERA AND GETS A FRICKING HOLLYWOOD STAR NOPE NO I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THAT
Summer is just around the corner! Which means you’re probably fervently preparing for ~bikini season~, trying to get back into that beach bod! Well here are some dieting tips from Denny’s Diner to help you feel a little more comfortable this year:
- Bikini season? Shmikini shmeason.
- You look wonderful already.
The year is 2743. Society as we know it has collapsed. We have seen the machines take over and experience their own downfall. There are no more countries. There are no more governments. Resources are at a dangerous low. Many have left the Earth in search of a new planet to inhabit. Only one thing is certain: There is a Java Update available.